Conditional Love

People seem think shy people have a problem. Apparently, introverts just need to, "get over themselves," because, of course, extroversion is the preferable trait. I, myself, am sort of halfway in between, so I can relate to both sides, but these ideas about shy people really bother me. 

Those who know me well know I can be very shy at times or very lively and social at other times. Shyness can come across as disapproving, but I'm not shy because I dislike people. I'm shy because I'm afraid. I can work to overcome fear, but I can't take away what I'm afraid of. Now, I'm not afraid of vulnerability—rather, that which often come with it: rejection. See, I love getting to know people well and understanding their strengths and faults and their beautiful little details that make them unique, but I see a lot of people who value others for completely different things. 

People value the person who talks the most, tells the most gossip, says the funniest things, looks the cutest, flirts the most, has the most friends, or dresses the best. I don't want to be valued because I have any of that or rejected because I don't have any of that. It absolutely disgusts me. Unfortunately, it's become a reality difficult to escape in this day and age. 

We seem to have forgotten what love is—and it's no wonder, since we use "love" interchangeable with "like." People are so quick to say, "I love you," but what I hear so often instead is, "I love me." See, when you value someone for their money, their appearance, or the nice things they say to you, you aren't valuing them. You are valuing you. If you like a friend because they make you feel popular, that's valuing you. If you like a crush because they make you feel giddy and special, that's valuing you. Additionally, "loving" someone for their body, their popularity, their money, or how they make you feel is not love. All of those things are changeable, but love–love is unconditional. 

When two people break up or get divorced because they can't get along anymore and say, "well, people change," I say to them in my head, "then you never really loved each other." Love, by definition, is unconditional and is not dependent on changeable things. I see faulty relationships of all kinds everywhere I turn because our idea of love has been distorted. It is that—conditional love (which really isn't even love)—which I am afraid of. I'm afriad of being valued for the wrong things. I'm afriad of being cared for only as long as I please people and hide my faults because I know that I, like everyone else in this world, will fail. I'm sinful and flawed, but unconditional love—true love—acknowledges that people are broken, and it is forgiving and understanding (and I'm not talking about romantic love, this is about all love). It is the love the Father has for us, and it is this kind of love that I strive to give and seek to receive.

God Does Not = Success

Often I hear or read other Christians praising our great God for causing them to win prizes, protecting them from failure or catastrophe, and enabling them to conquer any struggle. My [silent] response is, "yes, but aren't you missing something?" I have heard too many a dramatic testimonies of how, "when I found God, everything went right," or what have you. This is such a false idea of what the Christian life should/does look like. Why, of course, when some people put their faith in Christ, God may heal, protect, and raise up his people. But what about those who have true faith and still suffer hardship? What do you say to them? 

I heard a fellow Christian recount the story of a tornado that was heading toward her home. She talked for some time about the greatness and faithfulness of God because when she and her family were praying hard that they would be protected, the tornado changed route and they were one of the few areas not destroyed. By all means, praise God that he kept you safe, but what about all the other people whose homes were destroyed? Was God unfaithful to them? I think so many people have allowed these ideas to distort their faith in God. If we are taught that God keeps us safe and helps us succeed, it's no wonder that so many lose their faith when bad things happen. 

Instead, we need to learn from the martyrs of the early Church who understood that our faithful, loving God does not protect us from suffering; rather, He protects us in suffering. With God in our hearts, we aren't guaranteed to be happy, but we can be content in any situation. 

In the words of Paul, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

All blessings and success come from God. H o w e v e r, God is not great simply because he gives us blessings and success. A faith based on this false idea is a selfish one. We are not called to trust our Lord because we will get a good life in return. We deserve absolutely nothing. God is great because He is the Author of everything, He is goodness and right, He is all-powerful... and, on top of all that, He loves us. To me, the most incredible part of the Christian life is not when God blesses us with success–because, um, not all of us live perfect, happy, "successful" lives. It is when God enables us to rejoice in suffering and be content in hardship.

Just as real, just as hurt

A lot of girls make posts about how they don't fit the culture's idea of an "ideal body." Sometimes they say they're "real" because they aren't really skinny or blog about how much the twisted idea of beauty harms the girls who don't fit it. I agree to an extent, but I think there are issues on the other side of the problem as well.

The culture's idea of an ideal body is also harmful and even painful to those who do fit it. Unless all a girl cares about is attention, being called ideal can hurt. It makes her feel like an empty object. So, please, just remember this: valuing people by physical appearance doesn't just hurt those who aren't deemed physically beautiful by the culture. It also hurts those who are. Girls who are angry about the culture's twisted sense of beauty seem to label everyone who fits it as "fake" or "unrealistic." Instead, they need to recognize that harm is done to girls on both sides of the culture's faulty definition of beauty.

I wouldn't mind selfies IF...

1. People were creative.

There are millions of ways to take a self-portrait.

2. People made them their own.

To me, most selfies are the same picture... just with lots of different faces. Make them original, please.

3. People cared about photo-quality. 

If you have a good camera, please use it. iPhone cameras are not good, by the way.

4. People smiled when they're happy instead of duck-facing. 

Do you really think that's attractive?

 5. People did not post them on Facebook (okay, maybe twice a year at the max).

That's what Instagram and Snapchat are for.

6. The pictures related to the captions.

If the caption says you're going somewhere, the picture should not be of you in the car on the way there. Ugh. 

One imprtant sentence that I've been wanting to say for a long time:

If you text or chat online with someone frequently, you should be able to talk to them in person easily and just as frequently.

Rebalanced

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5 

There are particular moments where I am struck by the degree of my sin. Today, I was hit by my anger and self-righteousness toward another sinner. Even though I may persuade myself for a time that I'm in the right, I know deep down that the truth is quite the opposite. Sooner or later that truth dawns on me and with it comes a rush of emotions: guilt, regret, and the desire to change what I've done.

Today, that desire was to repair the damage I know has been done to both me and her. I wanted to do everything I could to make up for my wrongs. The problem is, the more I realized the extent of my sin, the more I came to see that I can never make up for it. I can apologize, ask for forgiveness, change my behavior, and reach out, but even that will never be enough to rebalance the scale again.

Our sin weighs us down so heavily that we have no hope of freeing ourselves. Though we try, our efforts are to no avail. But along came one who can free us from sin. Christ paid for everything in full. By the grace of God, my scale has been rebalanced. Now, I've been a Christian as long as I can remember, but that grace still blows my mind. Every time it hits me, I am filled even more with love for my God and joy in him.

Flaws and All

When I'm upset about something or having a bad day, my (bad) tendency is to run to social media. I've thought about why that is and I think I've got it figured out: the internet is like another world. When my world isn't the way I want it, the internet is my escape route. Fact of Natalie: I hate crying and I hate being upset. I'm not very emotional (for a girl), so, to me, crying and letting any kind of pain get the better of me are signs of weakness. When the pain piles up, I'll do almost anything to push it away, to avoid letting it affect me.

Social media, especially, has a way of making life look a lot better than it is. Nobody (or almost nobody) posts about their failures, worries, or faults. We post about our achievements, good days, and fun times and when we get that, "like," we feel good because people like what we said or did. In this way, I think social media is very flawed. It gives us a false sense of happiness and popularity and creates a false impressionof of all of us. If I compare my life in the real world to someone's life on their Facebook timeline, I'm bound to end up depressed or discontent. The more I think about it, the less I like social media. It provides an false escape from your real-world problems, which only draws them out. But it also creates an distorted impression of us- one that leaves out the flaws.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on social media. Now that I think about it, this is not the fault of social media; it's our fault. We create the false impression. We hide the flaws. And we don't just do this on social media, we do it all the time. We concentrate so hard on making the right impression and looking good, covering up our struggles. Why? Our struggles are ugly, embarrassing sin. If people saw that, they wouldn't like us, right? Our struggles are also reality. Hiding that reality away- putting our sin out of sight- doesn't make it change; it only makes your sin harder to deal with. So, if that's not the right impression, what is? What kind of impression should I try to make? The answer is this: don't try to make an impression. To me, the most genuine people are those who don't try to cover up their flaws. It's easy to be open and honest with them because they're open and honest with you. They're real. They reflect God's unconditional love, accepting us, flaws and all. And that's the kind of person I want to be.