Conditional Love

People seem think shy people have a problem. Apparently, introverts just need to, "get over themselves," because, of course, extroversion is the preferable trait. I, myself, am sort of halfway in between, so I can relate to both sides, but these ideas about shy people really bother me. 

Those who know me well know I can be very shy at times or very lively and social at other times. Shyness can come across as disapproving, but I'm not shy because I dislike people. I'm shy because I'm afraid. I can work to overcome fear, but I can't take away what I'm afraid of. Now, I'm not afraid of vulnerability—rather, that which often come with it: rejection. See, I love getting to know people well and understanding their strengths and faults and their beautiful little details that make them unique, but I see a lot of people who value others for completely different things. 

People value the person who talks the most, tells the most gossip, says the funniest things, looks the cutest, flirts the most, has the most friends, or dresses the best. I don't want to be valued because I have any of that or rejected because I don't have any of that. It absolutely disgusts me. Unfortunately, it's become a reality difficult to escape in this day and age. 

We seem to have forgotten what love is—and it's no wonder, since we use "love" interchangeable with "like." People are so quick to say, "I love you," but what I hear so often instead is, "I love me." See, when you value someone for their money, their appearance, or the nice things they say to you, you aren't valuing them. You are valuing you. If you like a friend because they make you feel popular, that's valuing you. If you like a crush because they make you feel giddy and special, that's valuing you. Additionally, "loving" someone for their body, their popularity, their money, or how they make you feel is not love. All of those things are changeable, but love–love is unconditional. 

When two people break up or get divorced because they can't get along anymore and say, "well, people change," I say to them in my head, "then you never really loved each other." Love, by definition, is unconditional and is not dependent on changeable things. I see faulty relationships of all kinds everywhere I turn because our idea of love has been distorted. It is that—conditional love (which really isn't even love)—which I am afraid of. I'm afriad of being valued for the wrong things. I'm afriad of being cared for only as long as I please people and hide my faults because I know that I, like everyone else in this world, will fail. I'm sinful and flawed, but unconditional love—true love—acknowledges that people are broken, and it is forgiving and understanding (and I'm not talking about romantic love, this is about all love). It is the love the Father has for us, and it is this kind of love that I strive to give and seek to receive.